Wandering Voyagers

Huh. Well, to focus on the age-old question of "which came first: the chicken or the egg?" I'll be tackling it from a purely evolutionary perspective. (Sorry, this just came to mind, and, as with the vampire bit, I sort of feel like venting it.)

That said, the egg must have come first. It was simply a case of speciation by one of its mechanisms or another... but this gives rise to several questions, at least for me. For example, if chickens really did evolve from some sort of proto-poultry, what in the world were the birds like? This wouldn't be a problem if the chicken were the species evolving... but, damn, chickens are stupid. What advantage to their predecessors could they have possibly developed in the special transition? The last time I checked, intelligence and slimness were relevant factors to survival. Sure, I guess things that are stupid are okay as long as they can fly but - wait! Chickens can't fly!... My bad. They must've been on a mission with a simple goal: simpletonism. (Simpletonism, by the way, being a term of my making - look up simpleton if you're confused by it.)

If that was the case - which it could be, as much more advanced species have done... and are doing the very same, it seems - there must've been an incredibly good reason to quite literally "get stupid." Ah, to take a tangential ride for a moment, I'm assuming that our belovèd poultrozoa weren't eyeless or without appendages or pre-fried or fat, because that would take all the fun out of this. But imagining an eyeless chicken surely does have a whimsical air... Getting back to the matter, though, chickens must have had either very few predators... or their predators had yet to develop eyes, decent hearing, and senses of smell.

In the case of the former, chickens, as a species, are pretty damn old. This would mean that they could ravage the land and their live-ins with little to no opposition. Just imagine chickens doing the Death Star run for an idea of the resistance they'd've had. The problem with this hypothesis becomes immediately apparent, however: other organisms evolve, too. I don't know about you, but I'd say dogs are certainly smarter than chickens. They've been around forever, in the form of wolves and whatnot, so I see no reason as to why chickens weren't targeted and driven to extinction long ago. I mean, even now... Dog versus chicken... it doesn't really seem like the feather bags even have a chance. You'd just hear a squak and see a content dog walk out from under a shower of crimson feathers and, if it happened to be a hot day, maybe a fresh omelette in place of a previously loco-boco poulet. Quite frankly, I'd rather see the omelette.

The latter case falls in line with the first... but it makes less sense. Predators are predators because something gives them the competitive edge over another species. Surely to do this they must have an organism with traits to counteract, but, still, were there any real predation going on, chickens would be dead. There's a reason why we call hen-pecking "hen-pecking." It doesn't do anyone any good, but it is great fun to watch. Don't believe me? Hand a walnut to a hen.

The only conclusion that I can come to on this issue is that chickens must've evolved in an environment that required that they did not get too intelligent, lest Chicken Run would be a documentary rather than an animation... But it doesn't really matter for, in words that are no more immortal than myself, aside from the fact that they can't be skewered for people kabobs, I proclaim:

     Soap is soap, but I'll still eat it,
     Toss me a bar, and I'll try ta feed it!
     Don’t try ta tell me I don’t need it;
     Well, it ain’t don’t me no harm.

I really haven't touched this thing in a long time. I don't suppose it will see much more use, either. Hell, I don't know why I don't just flush it down the iToilet - everything seems to be going the iRoute these days, anyway.
At any rate, if anyone wants to know what I've been getting myself into recently, here it is in bold-faced, seventy-two point font:
.
Exciting, no? I sure thought so.
Seriously, though. I've scaled the mountainous pile of my own shattered heart twice since I last popped in to say "Hi," and I recently presented the mangled, though mended, mess of it to another. What will happen? Who knows! Tune in next week to find... well, hopefully, nothing too dramatic (unless it turns into some magnificent love story of the ages. I'd be slightly more okay with it then). All I have to say is there are times when you think Shakespeare had it right with "Neither a borrower nor a lender be / For loan oft loses both itself and friend / And borrowing dulls the hand of husbandry" because your heart has been rent asunder in giving love... and times, such as now in my case, when you take the next line he wrote as your guide: "This above all: to thine own self be true." No matter which quote I remember, it never takes me long to realize that it was Polonius who said them and, in doing so, that all he did was fountain out bulls teeming with shit. *Sighs* O (well), I am slain!

I suppose that's pretty much it, y'all. Life is glorious, we are glorious, and unity preserves the glory. The magnificence of agony creeps though the cracks and weak links in the chain humanity creates, but new-forged bonds always force it back.
And not to lessen the significance of that thought, but I just proved to myself that fatalism is just fragmented optimism.

Later, DS
~ Ass-laser problems? There is no cure.

A New Dinosaur Theory

Okay, let’s consider the physical evidence.

The moon is moving away at a tiny, but measurable distance from the Earth every year.

Do the math and you will clearly see that eighty-five million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about thirty-five feet from the earth’s surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway.

‘Cause it hit them in the heads! Hahahahaha :]

This is the reason I got 14/15 on Keller's Boston University application:


Apparently, Keller lacks a sense of humor.